{109 weeks to go}
Another weekly visit to St. Jude has come and gone. I realized that I was writing “mini blogs” on my Facebook posts instead of posting here. I apologize!
Gabe had his routine lab draw, nurse and doctor visit, followed up with chemo in the med room. His counts were a little on the low side, so we will be keeping a low profile this week as Gabe will be more susceptible to germs.
We have about six weeks before Gabe’s next Re-Induction phase, so we will have longer chunks at home. Yay! I’m glad to get back to some sense of a normal routine.
I was able to attend a writing retreat part of last week and it was a much needed break. I was able to meet lots of wonderful authors, learn more about writing, and make new friendships and connections. I’m very excited to see where my own writing journey takes me, as I’m pushing to finish my novel and start the editing phase for publication.
Life moves forward, and as this has been a whirlwind of life changing events for us, I find myself struggling with the complexity of emotions of life moving forward. Cancer does that to a family. It puts a hold on everything, shifts your perspective and priorities, while you watch everyone else’s life move on as normal. Instead of deciding where to go on vacation this summer, we have to decide when and where to take Gabe based off of his counts and how he is feeling. We have to decide these things weekly, and sometimes even on a daily basis.
While I understand that life moves on for everyone, it’s hard to sort through the emotions that is on constant overdrive.
When I think about us have another two and half years of treatments, it sends my mind spinning and panic tries to sneak in. For someone who loves to plan, organize, and write their life down on post-it “to do” lists, it’s a daily battle. Instead of making project “to do” lists, I make medicine schedules and lists of medical terms to research.
I have a list of things I remind myself of when worry and panic creeps in:
•God’s in control-He’s got this!
•Gabe’s in Remission–Nothing else matters!
•Our family is even closer than before.
•God is using Gabe to touch so many lives.
We have a long journey ahead, and most days I’m exhausted. However, I wouldn’t change being Gabe’s Mama for anything.
I know I say this a lot, but THANK YOU for all of your love and support. You will never know just how much it means to us. I know people have asked what they could do for us, that they feel helpless because they can’t fix what has happened, but you’re doing so much without even realizing it.
The prayers, encouraging words, and texts–while I may not answer immediately, know that I’m reading each one and so thankful for them. I will even re-read them when I’m feeling down.
The donations, and gifts for Gabe mean so much to us! We are traveling so much each week, and please know that we are humbled and in awe of your generosity for our family. It has blessed us so much!
We love you all!
#GabeStrong💪🏻
Maxie Fortner says
Erin, I love your spirit of depending on God and going right on with life in spite of the detours forced upon your family. Yeaaaa!!! for Gabe being in remission and Yeaaaa!!!! for you for your love and determination to do what has to be done, yet continue to grow as your own person by pursuing you dream of writing. Maxie
Erin R. Howard says
Thank you, Maxie! ☺️